Karma

Throughout my adult life I have had endless conversations about Karma. Each conversation seems to segway through a number of topics, for example; does it come full circle? what's the time line? does it happen to people that have bad luck, or does luck have anything to do with it? can you change your karma? what if you do more good than others and it never seems to come back your way? does karma really exist?

Eh...we go through the motions because sometimes it's just too perfect. It's when something major happens and it's not justified through karma that kills me. Also, endlessly putting yourself out there for people, extending yourself more than you should (but it's just who you are and you can't help it), and getting bit in the ass. Karma seems to have gone on vacation during these lower moments in life.

I have had a number of people, lately, that seem to forget how unfortunate they once were, good Karma or not,  and to a certain extent seem to take my friendship, and extended Karma, for granted. I don't need much, but what I never need is rudeness. I wasn't raised in the "South" but manners are still very important to me. In reflection I would like to think that 90% of the time I come with a verbal warning, saving me a little grace with good old Karma. I try to tell people the mood I'm in, especially if it's going to throw them off.

If I lean towards the belief that Karma comes full circle then I tend to breath easier and hope that some force out in the wild midst will take care of my business for me. However, my reality is that I don't have the patience to wait. I am not saying that I take matters into my own hands, but if it doesn't come around quick enough I tend to confront the issue head on.

Lately my Karma hopes have not been dished out. As you could assume I decided to take certain things and conversations into my own hands to see where they would lead. To be honest I have never come to the position I am in now, never, ever. I feel as though my words and good will have fallen short. I don't count my efforts to anything less than what it was, and although I don't feel helpless, I feel frustrated on one hand and almost guilty for caring. This particular time period will pass, but my will to give anymore of my efforts heartfelt or not have pretty much come to an end.

As for the most recent thing, my car crash, I am asked to leave the situation in the hands of the law and rely on them to do their job. For whatever hope in Karma that I have left I really hope that this lady gets hers ten fold. I do not hate her, but I am absolutely angry.

Leave good will and Karma to the men and women who lovingly rely and believe...
... In the meantime I will focus selfishly on my own good will for a while and hold my good fortune for my own.

Dearest Karma,

Lets pick up where we left off at a later date. You have officially worn me out and are too close to wearing out your welcome.

You're Friend,
Ashes Ashed