Expectations

Through the years I have had many friends. As most people experience in a lifetime some friends come and go, some are there every step of the way, and some you may not talk to for years but as soon as you get on the phone you pick up right where you left off.

I always held my friends to the highest. I put most of the friends I admired onto pedestals. When I was in my sophomore year of college I lost my "best friend". Although she did not die, she tore down a structure that had been standing so long between us that I had no idea what would be on the other side.

It has been years now since I broke off my first friendship. With time I have embarrassed a level of jaded understanding that has now allowed me to fully understand what kind of expectations are realistic. Although the definition of a friend seems to be well understood throughout most people I think that I was at fault for most of my friendships ending. I have a tendency to see people for what they are truly worth, what they have the capabilities to achieve, and what talents could hurdle them into the future. When you stand by and watch someone you care about make mistakes it is hard to understand and sometimes even harder to accept. That pedestal you put your friend on has a crack in it now and you feel betrayed that it might crumble from beneath them.

As years pass by I have discovered that sometimes the best thing to happen to a person is total dismantlement. To have all illusions destroyed and sometimes their environment too. I think I'll call it "The Human Condition of Natural Disasters". After you stand by and watch people hit an all time low yet slowly rebuild and even bigger and better castle there's a new understanding of expectations.

I am fortunate to have many solid, understanding, talented, and caring friends in my life. The definitions have changed, the meaning is different, and the outcome of those friendships is spectacular compared to my adolescent, premature, ideals that surrounded friendships before. My childhood friends who I still communicate with are omitted from that statement.

Unfortunately I am not sure how clear I'm being with these thoughts. What I would really like to touch on is the personal acknowledgement about expecting too much out of people. Setting your personal standards, for yourself, as high as you wish is your business, but you need to make sure that you do not project those values onto other people. It is too overwhelming to invest so much energy into a group of people to simply have the outcome exactly what you feared most. Instead, I am not saying you shouldn't support or be there for your friend, you need to give up that right, or entitlement, to voice or act on how you feel because in the end it will not be your decision, life, choice, or action.

Supporting your friends is simple. You should be there for them when they call or really need you. There is no pressure between the people that "choose" to hang out with you. I love the saying "You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends".

My husband has been a new guide into trust, trust with strangers, new people, new possible friends, and he has taught me that it's okay to be picky. Sometimes I trust people too much, so much in the past that it's gotten me into dangerous situations. We all learn from things ending and beginning. Hard times with people make us stronger, it will be the social experience that continues to mold us. Too many of us take for granted the simple things that we can do for each other. Sometimes it is as simple as a phone call instead of a text. It is nice to know what your friends think about you, but not EVERYONE is your friend. Put up a wall for a while and the ones who are meant to get through will. I sound jaded, but I think if you truly live your life to the fullest you are meant to be a bit jaded, in a way it's wisdom. Choose carefully, on all counts.

Expect nothing and you will most likely get all that you will need. Last but not least do not forget about your good friend karma. Karma is instant and just when you think you've got it beat she'll sneak up on you like a cobra and swallow you whole. Be true, be you and you're friends will do the same.

Cheers!