It has almost been 3 years to the day that I left for an adventure of the unknown, to Europe. Feeling as though it's been much longer I have moved quickly across the Western United States to finally plant my feet. Yesterday I received two boxes from my parents, who still live back in Indiana, full of my books. Books from college, journals & diaries from when I was a child, and most importantly my "other journals". After looking through the boxes, separating the books, and setting them on their appropriate shelves I went through my evening as usual. Today it took courage to open the "other journals". After a quick glance I realize I need to sit down with my past thoughts, writing, and explore the humility of moving on. That's what I've done, moved on.
However, looking back at those words, drawings, and photos I carried around with me for months at a time I reached a moment of "ah ha". I know what I have to do next, finally. I've reached comfort again. The comfort I feel is what I've been striving for and waiting for. I now have the energy, knowledge, and personal power to explore the pain all over again. Along this journey I will share what I can. There are drawings I don't remember doing, writing that I can't say I ever wanted to read again, and actions shared that I don't regret, but feel a certain void about.
Chicago left me with a parting gift, a feeling of love and encouragement that can only come from true friends and a new found home, but Europe left me with cuts, bruises, and sections I shoved out of my mind until now. Vegas has greeted me in terms all it's own. Vegas has made it very clear that she's her own entity and she won't come to me, but instead if I want to meet her or her people I need to make the drive and greet them first. As a result of my travels and crazy ambitions I have a stroll to take and a mighty toll to pay for the next several months.
In May I will be traveling back to the Midwest, back to my roots. I plan to soak it in like never before. This will be a return home that may be the remedy I need. There will be new people and many people missing, but between the corn and blue sky I will happily roll with it. My mission is to remember just enough about the past before I head east so I might filter through the stories and time lines to connect the dots. Upon my return I hope to complete a circle, or another chapter.
So, let us raise a glass to the past and toast to a better understanding of our own journeys.
- Sincerely - Ash
