Whatever I have done has resulted in more family feuds and drama. I don't enjoy sharing family moments or information publicly, but I'm hoping that in this case it may help someone else along the way.
In March of this year my father was hit while riding his motorcycle. He was getting dinner for my mother and the girl who hit him may have been using a cell phone when she accidentally pulled out to turn and hit him straight on. Having someone taken from you so suddenly, with no last words, and under such conditions, comes with it's own set of unanswered questions, doubt, and grief. I have had no expectations from anyone about how to handle the tragedy on it's own, with me, or all together. However, as I've addressed in past blogs, I did distance myself from people. As a result of my depression from the loss and my severe retreat into my own little world I've had unpleasant experiences from people that continue to attempt making my tragedy all about them.
Unfortunately, my grandfather, my dad's dad, passed away last month. These are two major losses in my family. I personally still have not found the strength, words, or reality to express my thoughts pertaining to the loss of my grandfather. However, although I've gotten the illusion of people understanding that loss I've still gotten a severe backlash.
My husband's birthday is on Halloween... I know it sounds cool, but he gets overlooked on his special day because of it sometimes. So this year I went out and tried to get as many people to send him a Happy Birthday while he was on the road working, nice thought right? I was upset to find out that on a day that should have been pleasant and happy for him was tainted by other people's need to be in the spotlight at our expense and negatively.
I've lived my life on many different and changing terms through the years. Sometimes we change just to get by and sometimes we change for the absolute best. No matter what I've changed about myself through the years I've always been honest, straight forward, respectful, and sometimes too respectful. I'm starting to think that kindness really doesn't get you anywhere. You do the best you can in this world and when people take advantage of that kindness multiple times you just have to cut out the negativity.
Wrapping this up there is a reason to my ramblings. We certainly can not please everyone, but the events I wrote about above are sensitive, new, and were private until now. I am addressing these events in the direction of selfishness and the lack of patience I now have for anyone doesn't think before they act. When you turn someone else's tragedy or happiness into a guilt trip or form of manipulation you might want to consider the long term damage you are doing. I am begging and pleading with everyone out there to start communicating and not holding back. If you are a passive aggressive person STOP. People are much more resilient and strong than you give them credit for and if they aren't then maybe you don't need them in your lives. Death and Birth are days and moments only the people experiencing the event have the right to ultimately act on, everyone else should try to support the situation or stay away until they can.
Back to the guilt and punishment, I've had personal attacks linking to all of the things I've mentioned. I've found more than not that friends, not blood relatives, tend to be more supportive in your time of need. (there are exceptions) I have no guilt, and I have nothing to feel punishment for. I will not hold my tongue anymore and I will not have my personal character attacked by anyone. No matter what you should always believe in defending the one thing you DO have control over, and that's how you want people to perceive you or what you want them to walk away with at the end of the day.
