June 2013 Artists Show

I am curating a show at the Dash - In on Calhoun Street, in Fort Wayne IN, of amazing local artists. I'm excited to have multiple artists, mediums, and perspectives to work with. The show's end goal is to promote artists, and to provide artwork to the public that they can afford.

Artwork in Fort Wayne, IN is quite hidden, and appreciated by an almost elitist circle. Visitors and tourists go to our Art Museum from time to time, or might be cool enough to check out some of our local galleries, but we don't make it easily accessible or simple to find. In fact, now that I'm thinking about it, the signage in this town, from the roads to the actual business signs, really really suck.

What if the long term goal was to have our artists and their artwork a major part of the town's appeal. Our cultural attempts are getting better, but what faster way to bring culture and education to Fort Wayne than artwork! I'd like these ideas and thoughts to open up doors to college artists, surrounding town artists, and beyond.

Stay tuned for further event information!

Processing Trees

Image 1

 

Image 2

 

After Merge

 

Final Product after Diabolical Action & Wrap

I have found more...

Sometimes I wish I could keep count of how often, or how many times a day I write on the first piece of paper I can find. Thoughts come so rapidly and so eagerly that I don't even have time, seemingly most of the time, to write things into my journal(which is ALWAYS on me). So weeks, months, years later I find scraps tucked away in little places, certainly my handwriting, with poems, lyrics, maybe whole songs, or just cryptic startings of something wonderful. I find it necessary to share these writings when I find them.

Tonight I was working at organizing and situating my studio, once again, and came across an old wallet, some files, and envelopes with some of the most random writings I've found yet. A few I remember and most of the others don't ring a bell.

I hope you enjoy these findings as much as I tend to.


Song I remember starting to write as of recent, have not finished yet....

Disabled Soul
Handicapped Heart
With these bad looks
I've gotta trifecta that'll set the rest apart


This one's a bit of an idea for a tattoo, but this is how I wrote it...

symbolically the jiggsaw puzzle is a question mark, but if you take two question marks and invert one, put them together, it makes a heart.



Creative writing at it's best...

Monkeys and Periwinkle
Pickles pluck Chickens
Charred by Farrari Flames
Driven by White Trash
Trailer Hitchen
Tinker Toy building


This writing feels like it's missing a piece of paper...

I took my coat off in the rain
I ran around and went insane
I clawed at the cemement until that hole gave way
So I could crawl inside to mute what they say

Defining Art

At the end of the day though, Art is Art. It's unsolvable. You can't define it. It's kind of like god, you might think you get a glimpse at the meaning, but then it all just turns to shit, and right before you give up on understanding the mess it can be it will create something beautiful again.



I just wrote this to a friend about an art show we were just in. I believe fully, that deep inside, this is exactly how I feel.

Updated Website

I just updated my website! I'd love some feedback. I have a couple of things to do/add please feel free to leave feedback.

http://solidashesphoto.com/home.html

Skirt Mini Birth

My Interlude series gave birth to a mini series, but from that came this image.

Now I'm thinking about simple, b&w, silhouettes. Simple, textural, silhouettes.

Possible Project

I've been working with sowing together images, finally, and I'm thinking about my travels. I am considering panoramic-like images. I am not sure where this is going, but I'm interested in exploring it.

Bubble Gut

Bubble Gut Belly and Nervous Ways. Here I am the same freaked out little girl with a glass shell that has survived storms, seasons, stones, and more. Created to believe in just the breeze, I know that I'm attached to the path and track of the trains and planes. Coming back to that person "someday" is now. Maybes are away, maybes were for another day, and today I am now living in the "now". I really do love you. I really do want to be here with you. I really do exist with you.

Found myself attached to a path full of hills, bills, thrills, and skills. With you, with me, alone, one day we'll see, that the journey will always lead to the two of us again and again. Forever Limerent & Lo, with who or which one, only I know. This is our theme, our curse, our gain. Pleased to walk this path with you.

Riding Drunk

There's no reason to EVER drink and ride your motorcycle, EVER. If you have friends that care they won't let you. If you care about your life and other's you won't. Please do not DRINK and RIDE.

Continuing Again

At 30 years of age I'm bridging certain parts of my life in hopes of completing many life goals. This decade will be taken one step at a time. I'm in no rush, but I have large dreams that I can easily achieve if I set my mind to it.

Coming into this ripe 30 I've left behind 5 art shows, and several new bodies of work. I plan on continuing forward with ongoing and single set photo projects. I hope to use my blog as a messenger for the upcoming activities over the next year, I've obviously fallen off from keeping anything updated on the blog as of late.

Today was a large step in setting up my studio for the third time in one year. I have a large, filled, and abstract studio that takes a month to take down and another month to set back up. By this time next month I hope I'm making progress with ideas I have not had the time or space to prepare and execute them in.

2013 will be a beautiful year to end one massive emotional journey. I'm looking forward to simplifying my routine in order to move forward swiftly and comfortably.

Cheers to 30 years on this planet and 30 more of total success.

Ongoing Work

Solid Ashes Photography is going to split off into different brands this year. I plan on rebranding my photography and moving into a whole new area of concepts and images.

I am in dire need of clarity in order to rebrand and rename a new website and at least one more blog. This is a good change and hopefully it will be easier for people to follow me or my art, both separately.

As someone today pointed out "these are good problems", I could not agree more.

I currently have a photo installation at Wundercamera, in Fort Wayne, In. I also have a 28x40 image from my skirt series semi-perminately hanging in the front part of the gallery. I have a painting going up inside The Brass Rail later next week. One other piece from the skirt series is going into the Art Link Members show.

Fort Wayne is challenging, but supporting the growth of my Art. I think that rebranding will only help the projection of the art and ongoing growth in general.

Commence PROGRESS!

Happy Birthday.

December

Not sure where this will go. Not sure if today will be just as slow. I'm shifting from 4th gear into 1st to take a closer look, at the stop I'll "get some" and grab 5th as quick as I can. I don't know when, but I love you. I know that these days seem longer than most, but if I die with the one I love then all this riding around is meant to be. When necessary these tires get replaced and I pick up certain speed, but remember that this course eventually slows down again. This is our labyrinth, just enjoy the view along the way.

On the Rail (put it behind me now)

Sometimes your heart just gets ripped from your chest. You pour whiskey down your throat to ease the burn. The smell of a mildew bathroom creeps by as your bloody finger, from a spilt drink, runs down your hand and makes you laugh. You aught to be thinking about why your head and heart is stuck on repeat every single day, but you slowly poison your flow of consciousness with equal amounts of listening, bad music, and other adventurous beverages.

Beginning by ending, sinking while swimming. Plummeting by choice, surviving for others. Morning aches and pains, your age slowly sets in. Coffee multiplies for coping slowly. Repeat, Rewind, Renew, Repeat. No matter where you sit, no matter the state, the country, you can't escape yourself or your thoughts. Floundering with pink roses laying on the ground. Piles of cards on the bar, coasters stained with beer rings, and a wink from across the bar. Find comfort, here?

Panic never slithers it's way in, it stays at bay with the best. Friends filter through and take their designated seats. Politics are never discussed, but strangely religion is always on the table and always makes it's self known. More about that later.

Change, spare change, or maybe the physical one. Taking place from the ceiling to the floor is an inevitable flux of juxtapose with time at it's best and worst. Slowly, but remember to stay seated, join in with the masses. You are not a pawn in this place, rather, a character of consequence and meaning.
We grew up right down the road, by the river, and we really did grow up down there by the river.

Punctuating volumes and absolutely no poetic reasoning or justice. Just loud, obnoxious people, and filters of emotions. Shhhhh, time to get up, walk out, go home. Repeat, Rewind, Renew, Repeat.

Pink INK

Sometimes we have to be as tough as the Vikings. They knew the true meaning of Ashes to Ashes and Dust to Dust. Sometimes it's not about a final resting place when the body in question had a free spirit. You don't need a grave to visit just a moment to stop and start talking. The spirit in question will hear you, just speak.

Studio Spring Cleaning...

... Things I've found.

Ticket Stub
8/13/2010, Coheed & Cambria @ Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas

Idea Sheet
7 old/new ideas for photo shoots

Show Flyer
Funny Punk Venue here in Fort Wayne....I saved the flyer because they spelled out the accents and made good jokes.

Sticker
 A band sticker for  "The Most Beautiful Losers"

Stack of Paper
With old poems I wrote, soon to be logged into the correct journal!

Unopened Envelope
Written in pink ink a random thought.

4x6
Photos to be reframed

Envelope
From my Grandpa Ed. Keeping it because it has his handwriting on it. 

Fuck Up
My favorite post card ever.

Dropkick Murphys
VIP Photo All Access pass from Aug. 6th 2010, great photo shoot and great oportunity!

Ticket Stub
Jonny Lang, 6/4/2010 - worst show Ever. Total disapointment. I wore my first all white dress that night.

Random things we find. To keep or not to keep. Tells a story or doesn't need to tell a story. Adventures had and adventures made. Moments to let go but remember. Processing, pitching, holding on, releasing. Full circle nonesense. 

Game of Chess

A tragedy you don't even care about and you promote it like it's your own suffering to celebrate. What is your angle? What will you benefit from? There's no reason for you to be such a manipulating and spineless person anymore. Wouldn't you rather just start fresh. You're public appearance won't save your day to day and most intimate relationships. Congratulations, pawn moved.

Boredom

I lay here in boredom. I agree to change the world around me. I agree to make things happen. I lay here in boredom.

Frankly, sleep is too vivid to desire these days. I dread the upcoming 4 weeks. The intensity of my life will increase, but my body, mind, and soul will not be satisfied.

The life I want is the life I need? Struggle, continuing struggle, with what makes a person happy & healthy. I walk around with knots, daily, in wonderment. Am I doing the right thing? Am I able to be happy here, now, with all of this?

Spoiled, that's how I feel. I never needed much in life. I may have just about everything, yet, I still feel a void, and worse yet I feel a guilt for having that void. Volumes, we speak in volumes.

What is the mission here? What is there to loose? What balance do we consider and is it a reasonable one? Write it down, I tell my self to write it down, because maybe I will move on faster. I've been writing as long as I can remember, but the thoughts just keep coming.

Contemplate everything. Never allow the brain to waste. Pleasuring all your senses with a glance and a brutally sincere reaction.

Profound, no. Boredom, yes. Paint, Photos, thiiiiiings. TRAVEL! Profound is not happening, just boredom, tonight.

New Concept...

So I seem to have ongoing themes in my life. I just posted a comment about expectations that people hold over you, weather you realize it or not, on Facebook. Expectations are a difficult thing to balance in life, especially if you're a dreamer or someone who takes stock in your family and friend's goals.

Either way it has inspired me to do a whole new photo series based on warnings, people, and what would happen if we had just a pinch of information about the people we surround ourselves with. This is a project about preemptive information or maybe not.

Stay tuned for upcoming sneak peeks and more!!!

CONFLICTING...

Also...

All of my conflicting thoughts and aggravated emotions need to LEAVE ME ALONE! I wonder when things will be simplified again. I'm not frustrated I'm just pretty pissed off at my over active mind. I have plenty of outlets to distribute these emotions, but lucky readers you get the blogged version! Enjoy!

P.S. I LOVE YOU.

Greater Things

Dearest Tyler,

One of my closest and dearest friends, you will always find genuine and insane love. You will never go hungry for affection or a companion. You have become strong and willful in your later years, but deep down I know true love, for you, is certainly right around the corner, when you are ready.

We have our own tangled story, but I think about your future with excitement and the things you will accomplish or the people you will allow into your life. Someday I want to sit down over a cup of coffee with your true love and just smile.

I was just walking around my house today and started to think about you and your ability to find amazing, beautiful, talented people. You keep all of these extraordinary people nearby while others ponder in wonderment. You are a pretty lucky dude, but I'm pretty sure luck doesn't have much to do with it.

You have a unique soul that gathers people like a magnet. Thank you for continuing this friendship and I adore what I've fought to keep, and thanks for putting up with me through the process.

This is just to let you know that I know greater things will keep on coming.

Sense of Loss Lingering

My father was a car salesman in Fort Wayne, IN for years. My Dad may have looked like a stereotype of the "movie-like" car salesman at times, but he was honest and personable. He taught me just enough, what I needed to know, about cars. I have an above average understanding of vehicle mechanics and how sales works, but I have to admit that the buying process is extremely difficult.

The number of showroom floors that I grew up on is huge, but none of that could have prepared me for these emotions. I thought buying a car would just be as simple as buying a car should be. I broke down though, two nights ago. I was on the phone speaking with my husband about options and how frustrating this process has been. I felt cornered and then it finally happened, I snapped, I can barely continue the process of shopping without tears welling up in my eyes. The realization slapped me with sorrow, my Dad is supposed to be here to help me with this.

I know it's silly to most people reading this, but cars were a HUGE part of my Dad's life and I never had to worry that I was getting a solid vehicle to drive around because he always held my hand through the experience. I have had friends who have taken over a year to buy a car they really wanted, and now I know why, because doing this on your own SUCKS. Adding to the moment of my epiphany was the overwhelming sensation that he is Stiiiill gone and that it's not okay. Why did it take me almost four weeks to let these emotions out? We all bottle something up, here and there, but it swells and bursts when we do it subconsciously.

Today I made phone calls to more car guys, who all used to work with my Dad, and I had to cut the last conversation short. It's too much to sit and talk with someone about where and when my Dad used to work. I am crying now as I write this. There are just triggers that you are not prepared to face, but you don't have a choice. Something this silly can be paralyzing when combined with grief.

I accept this challenge and I will triumph with happy thoughts of my Dad and what he contributed to the car business, the moral he set in place, and the big middle finger he threw out to anyone who challenged his ethics or morals during his time on the car  lot pavement. So small, so silly, one decision becomes a monumental leap.

Broken into Action

you broke my heart and soul the day you broke his bike and body.

this is an irreparable state. broken hearts can be lived with, but a haunted soul is yet to be decided.

look for signs on the road and scenes yet created. answers in art and desires met.

Bold Daughter Waiting in the Shadows

Forked Tongue and Defined Distance with the Values of a Soldier

Fighting for Moral Ground and Pleasing purely to Please

Watching others Falter and Challenging other's core Meaning

Touching Sensitive Swords and Facing the Obvious

Beyond their Words and Actions towards Mine

Dancing on Thin Ice and Blind Backwards Again

Ready to Roll and Thunder five Feet Ahead

Stung, Stinging

Wrote, Written

Sold, Stolen

Cherished, Lived

War, Over

Edward Beatty

This is the first time I have attempted to speak about my Grandfather, Edward Beatty, since he passed a couple months ago. My Grandpa Ed was a pilot, pianist, writer, and fisherman. I could jump off at many different points about someone so talented, but I would rather touch on what I have seen and personally absorbed.

At the end of my Grandpa Ed's life I know he had two daughters, but somewhere along the line he adopted one too. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that my Mother, his daughter-in-law, and Grandfather had a special connection that I will never understand in the slightest. In the same unique way as my mother I also had an undefinable relationship with my Grandfather. The relationship between my Mother and Grandfather was that of a father and daughter. My Grandpa Ed and I may not have understood each other's choices through life, and I think we equally disappointed each other at times, but we loved each other deeply.

I remember listening to him play the piano, effortlessly. I remember him taking pride in my interests, they were closely related to his interests, but he still supported them regardless. He had flaws like all of us, but to me he was a great Grandfather.

When I would visit Hamilton Lake in the summer, where my Grandpa Ed lived, he would let me walk up the road to an old barn, where some of his friends lived, and play in the barn with a ton of kittens. Growing up on boats, playing in barns with kittens, fishing, swimming, riding in airplanes, and hearing his laugh are some of the greatest childhood memories a girl could have. The lake was a gathering place too, friends and family would live there or nearby on the weekends. I remember the Fish & Game club too, where we used to do pull tabs, listen to live bands, celebrate the Fourth of July, enjoy traveling circus, themed carnivals, and more piano.

Indiana is about small communities, but my Grandpa was a fixture in each of his. From the world of aviation to the words on printed paper Edward Beatty made his mark in the air above and on the paper we read.

Edward Beatty's work, acknowledgements, awards, and accomplishments don't add up to the value or worth that I have invested into my mind over the last 29 years. The image of my Grandfather will live on through my stories and his. We should all be so lucky.

My head bows to a man, a father, veteran, and patriot citizen of a world that goes by oh so quick.

Untitled Note on the back of an Envelope I found in my Car

If we cut out expectations of others we allow more time for living.

We all make mistakes in this life, some of us leave behind family and community. Sometimes we leave behind our favorite things, like; seeds, motorcycles, writing, memories, photos, and all of this in hopes that it might bring ease or happiness to those we've left behind. 

Death is not our punishment, but a reward after, and hopefully we have lived a well or genuine life.

Today is no different except for a little extra respect for life, love, and true shortness of time.


(written on the back of a DMV envelope in blue sharpie)

Karma

Throughout my adult life I have had endless conversations about Karma. Each conversation seems to segway through a number of topics, for example; does it come full circle? what's the time line? does it happen to people that have bad luck, or does luck have anything to do with it? can you change your karma? what if you do more good than others and it never seems to come back your way? does karma really exist?

Eh...we go through the motions because sometimes it's just too perfect. It's when something major happens and it's not justified through karma that kills me. Also, endlessly putting yourself out there for people, extending yourself more than you should (but it's just who you are and you can't help it), and getting bit in the ass. Karma seems to have gone on vacation during these lower moments in life.

I have had a number of people, lately, that seem to forget how unfortunate they once were, good Karma or not,  and to a certain extent seem to take my friendship, and extended Karma, for granted. I don't need much, but what I never need is rudeness. I wasn't raised in the "South" but manners are still very important to me. In reflection I would like to think that 90% of the time I come with a verbal warning, saving me a little grace with good old Karma. I try to tell people the mood I'm in, especially if it's going to throw them off.

If I lean towards the belief that Karma comes full circle then I tend to breath easier and hope that some force out in the wild midst will take care of my business for me. However, my reality is that I don't have the patience to wait. I am not saying that I take matters into my own hands, but if it doesn't come around quick enough I tend to confront the issue head on.

Lately my Karma hopes have not been dished out. As you could assume I decided to take certain things and conversations into my own hands to see where they would lead. To be honest I have never come to the position I am in now, never, ever. I feel as though my words and good will have fallen short. I don't count my efforts to anything less than what it was, and although I don't feel helpless, I feel frustrated on one hand and almost guilty for caring. This particular time period will pass, but my will to give anymore of my efforts heartfelt or not have pretty much come to an end.

As for the most recent thing, my car crash, I am asked to leave the situation in the hands of the law and rely on them to do their job. For whatever hope in Karma that I have left I really hope that this lady gets hers ten fold. I do not hate her, but I am absolutely angry.

Leave good will and Karma to the men and women who lovingly rely and believe...
... In the meantime I will focus selfishly on my own good will for a while and hold my good fortune for my own.

Dearest Karma,

Lets pick up where we left off at a later date. You have officially worn me out and are too close to wearing out your welcome.

You're Friend,
Ashes Ashed

The Beginning of Something NEW!

2013

2012 ended, but certainly not without a show. Reunions were made and travels conquered. Seasons new again, but old with memory.

Situating slowly into the old ways of Fort Wayne I find new challenges, but better beginnings. Unfortunately the year started with a "Crash", literally. Each month, starting last year, and without a break, seems to grace me (us) with complications. Normally I'm the most optimistic person in any circle, but given the last 11 months or so I find that my challenges continue to bruise and heal slowly, but not without over lapping with new injuries before the old ones truly heal.

Yesterday my Mother and I were hit head on, but everyone walked away alive, and at this point that's all I care about. Slight and normal injuries, but nothing that won't heal with time. I continue to face reminders and seem to be stuck with the thought that I'm just too lucky sometimes.

Luckily there are things to look forward to. I have an amazing show coming up this month, this week actually. I am processing mountains of emotions, experiences, and thoughts with this body of work. I look forward to individual responses. I will dive into great detail about this series very soon. I have other projects and galleries to venture into as well. I look forward to stepping into 2013 with my running shoes on.

There are no resolutions this year, just the actions I choose to take. I hope to travel, love, and listen to all things beautiful and healthy. No more promises, only goals.

Dear 2012,

It was good to a point, but I welcome your sibling 2013 with open arms and a crazy grin on my face. Stay tuned for more and better stories yet to come.