Sitting

Not waiting. Choosing to sit. Making a connection with the stillness. This is okay. This is beyond okay. The acceptance of sitting is mutual among most of us, but what do you do while you sit? Not everyone does the same thing or thinks the same thing. I personally prefer to observe while I sit. Sitting while the sun fades away, the ability and time to watch the sun go down, this is another favorite sitting activity.

I feel that Americans have not yet mastered the art of sitting. We take for granted the system that is already in place for us to unwind and fade out like a light slowly being turned of by a dimmer switch. What if there was, is, a perfectly good bench two blocks from your house that you could go sit on and watch people slowly pass, would you go? Would you choose a 20 minute drive to a local cafe to read a book, or sip on a brand of coffee you have never tried, in order to relax as the day passed?

Sitting, how would you prefer to sit? If you didn't have life, responsibilities, or a schedule to take care of, how would you sit? Where would you go? How would you unwind if there were no TV or music tonight when you got home?

To sit or how to sit? That is the question.

Here in the Shadow of Light

Measurements, Scales, Clocks, and Pales.

Here we are, now we're gone.

Limerent and Lo; I'm IN/in-particular to the flow.

Gluttons for Punishment, Thieves, Pastors, Artists, Poets, and Chiefs.

Swallowed inside the dirt.

Living From Electrical air.

Swimming above and below into the devil's stare.

Challenged by comparison and skin.

Unwilling to express from within.

Shadows Stop.

Values Disappear.

Contained by freedom.

Choices scattered and Scared.

Feeling with chapped hands left and uncared.

This is a passage that is not meant to end.

For now let's carry on and pretend.

Between her Leg

China has a place between her leg with many cheerios and a side of scrumptious delight.

Untitled

PIT, IT IS A PIT. JUMPING, FLYING, OUT OF IT. TRAGIC NOTIONS AND FAILED DEVOTIONS. TAKEN OUT, TAKEN AWAY. SORTED THROUGH, BEGGING TO PLAY. FLEETING MEMORIES JUMPING, FLYING, OUT OF IT.

Just For Breathing

For When the Earth Stops
And Ashes Fall from the Sky
There will Be No Possible Thoughts
And you can wave Goodbye
As Grey sets in
All falls Away
There's no time to tell
And No Time to Say
So while the Sun Shines, Birds Rest and Sing
There's a matter of Preciousness
And Not Forgetting

Toll

It's starting to take it's toll. Time away, time apart.

Nights of nightmare, nightmares of nights, and the unreachable collection of lucid understanding.

Never before have I had such control in my waking life. When I go to sleep at night I dream of horrible things. When I wake up in a sweat or in tears I have no one to tell them too. In my dream last night I finally confessed to my best friend, in the dream, that I could not take Mike being away for two weeks or more at a time. In reality, I can handle it, or at least that is what I tell myself.

There is no wavering thought or amount of insecurity in this verbal confession. My love for my husband is untouched and untainted, but dream life can rearrange your thoughts sometimes and make you wake up from a daydream.

It's all a sacrifice for the greater good. It's also not just about me and my husband's physical distance it is my friends and family too. I do not get to see or talk with anyone enough. I feel distant and estranged very often. You might think writing a letter, e-mail, or making a phone call could solve these issues, but it doesn't. Honestly, all forms outside of being physically with someone are just tortured times. Talking on the phone only makes me want to be around people more.

Writing it down helps, but maybe more studio time would be good too. There is an undeniable truth to dreaming, at least in my life, and I know I need to pay attention to theses signs. Is it time to get away? Should I paint another wall/mural? Should I bribe or threaten people to visit? No, it will all play out as it is supposed to. Unfortunately, I feel ill prepared this time.

New Work

Screwed, Scewed, Full Circle Crap

Dear Mark,

There was a Dear Chicago that struck a cord. Don't worry it is just a song but you can blame Ryan any time you feel like it for all his miserable tones and inconveniences.

You know, my dear friend, how impossible the world can be. You have officially felt the dagger that has the ability to form a person into a jagged type of human being. This last year has really screwed the pooch.

(side note: I just looked over at my dog, who is sleeping, and his eyes are wide open! Frickin weird! I know you can appreciate a side thought like that though.)

You are a road warrior. You have the ability, especially right now, to build the thickest, largest, and most impenetrable wall known to man. If you want you can shut out anything and anyone you want. I will call all of this phase number 6. Life is a serious of walls, obstacles, a bunch of bull shit you can't see past half the time because the fog that lives there is overwhelming. Just when you see a clearing you know there's something else waiting in the distance to kick your ass. Do not let all of this shut you down. The wall is meant to be tackled, not carried.

My friend, we are all here. We don't go far, but sometimes you do, and when you come back, like I said, we are still here.

Just remember you can always say 'Fuck it' and go a different direction. When you come around there will be a beer waiting, a smiling friend, and an ear to listen. It's all circumstantial at the time and later it makes for one hell of a story.

Sincerely your friend - AB

Thermal Burst

There is a thermal burst inside. Something eye wise inside that buries, births, flies, and dies. A cycle in it's own right keeps the humble child in check and the adult right where it stands. There is a fester of emotions, not feelings, but something deeper when the warmth rises from the pelvic bones, along the sides of your skin, melting your breast just before your heart skips a beat.

Warm summer days or cool places too when the sun strikes down your back and makes you feel like a lizard who's cold blood has been thirsty for heat upon it's scaly skin. The wind and weather have the ability to make your inner emotions soar or simmer. Let the smell on the air foretell your next step, your next reason.

Close your eyes when the temperature starts to change and take a deep breath. As your emotions,senses, and internal language start to communicate as one, exhale. These are the days we need to take better care of and let the days take care of us.