Depression for me, as an artist, was up and down my entire life. I could usually maintain quite well and my artwork help to medicate and feed my positive engery into taking over from the grey clouds I may have been overwhelmed within.
I am turning 32 this year. I have been doing photography since I turned 16. Art has always been my constant. From time to time I'd have a dry spell, or go into a lull for inspiration, but nothing compared, or prepared me, for the last 6 months. The utter despair and laziness that consumed me from time to time over the last 6 months scares the CRAP out of me. I know I'm not alone in some of these journies, but these last two months have been especially bad.
I woke up this morning and it was over. Just like that, I was no longer depressed or weighed down by some invisible ton of bricks that forced my feet planted firmly to my living room or kitchen floor until another human suggested anything different. Motivation to move down two flights of stairs into my studio was simply not an option for my cemented feet, meanwhile I was stuck inside my own mind, screaming at the top of my subconscious lungs, to GO CREATE, at least to go and be in the space where you create.
I took walks, called friends for mini-adventures, tried drawing in new places, working from my laptop, but only to find myself distracted by tetris on my phone, netflix, hulu, amazon, Laaaazy bones in general. The couch felt like quick sand and hoplessness. I did just about everything I could think of to catapult out of Funk Town and back into reality.
Now the questions set in...do I just chalk it up to a long grey winter? Do I really have no control over this, do I get to look forward to years of on and off again artistic angst? Some of these questions are silly because I have already experienced creative blocks and turmoil before, but I've always had the where with all to pull myself out of it, not this time. Do I just wait until I wake up okay again?
It's not a normal awakening either, it's full throttle, months of bullshit shedded off, and jumping right into full capacity in the creative quarters of my mind!!! I could stay up for days like this. DAYS! I've accomplished in one day what I was trying to accomplish over two months. It's embaressing to admit to myself. I suppose it really comes down to criticizing yourself too. It's unfair how we judge ourselves, but how strange we have the ability to shame ourselves and then forgive and move forward so easily.
Again, this isn't my first time experiencing a major lull, but this one took the cake for me at this point and it's scary to go through. It's as if a part of your youth dissipates each time you overcome a dry spell like this. Regenerating yourself can be the most aging thing I've ever experienced.
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